Of late the media is abuzz with stories of “Net2.0”, which is a new-found term for the Second Internet revolution, post the dot-com crash. The internet companies are again beginning to hit dizzying valuations and are attracting VCs by the hordes. Certainly the focus is on the ‘true survivors’ of Net1.0 which was swept away back in 2001. These survivors are the hot favorites, for obvious reasons. What’s surprising is that, in addition to these ‘oldies’, the new entrants post the dot-com crash are also being viewed in favorable light with people running over each other to fund them.
I’m not going to talk about that here, as, if you pick up any magazine you’ll get an overdose of it. Instead I’ll focus on a trend that I’ve been observing - a slow, steady and radical change happening over the net and which, in my opinion bodes well for its future. This trend becomes apparent if we closely follow the development of the internet over the decades and particularly, in the last decade. When we do this back-tracing, an interesting parallel emerges, here I’m not referring to the clichéd comparison with the Industrial revolution of the 1800s, but to an interesting parallel with the dawn of Human Civilization on Earth!!
After the internet was taken from the grips of the US Defense Department and the Universities and it was opened to everyone, there was curiosity all around as to what it can do for the people. However, the internet then had islands of users and information, just like the islands of human civilizations spread out around the world, thousands of years ago, and which were basically cut off from each other.
Realizing the opportunity in connecting these ‘islands’ over the internet, net indices and listings like Gopher and FTP archive moved into action in a bid to help users locate these ‘primitive lost civilizations’ over the internet. This was just similar to the travelers of the yesteryears (like our famous Columbus, Vasco da gama et al) who laboriously went around the world, extensively mapping the planet and compiling information from their various journeys. This served as the sole link ‘connecting’ the varied civilizations.
What then followed in the WWW was Net1.0. Businesses moved online and internet commerce happened. The net was populated by email service providers, news sites, portals, B2B, B2C and a whole lot of porn sites. But the distinguishing characteristic of Net1.0 was that, internet was just used as a medium of communication, between people or between businesses. The people logged on and after their job was done, logged off. That was about it. This is similar to the earlier communication and world trade that happened between the countries, which was focused and restricted to moving goods from one part of the world to the other.
Now, since 2003, after Net2.0 was ushered in, this limiting characteristic has been breached. The internet has received greater credibility and people have started ‘civilizing’ the net and have begun literally ‘living’ in it. What this means is that, from the usage of internet to just communicate or transact business, people are forming ‘communities’ on the web, creating their personal space in the form of websites, blog-spaces and so on. The internet is truly beginning to be accepted (around the world, not just the US) and is becoming an integral part of our lives. Finally, if we were to identify the parallel to this from history, it would be the ‘true movement’ of people around the world, cross-migration, civilization of the world and the formation of ‘one globalized world’.
Thus, there is a marked migration of people onto the web, and its use is not restricted to the peripheral applications as it used to be earlier. One might argue that some of these advanced uses were in vogue even during the earlier wave, but then it was an exception rather than a rule. So, today people are civilizing the internet and making it a better, livable place. The good thing is that, this is an irreversible trend and the world wide web can only get more connected and personalized in the years to come. This also bodes well for business, as their campaigns online will begin to deliver better results than their expectations, and, going by this trend, it can only get better.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
"Civilizing the Net"
Friday, February 24, 2006
A visit to the Marxist Bastion
About a week back I paid a visit to my college senior and close friend, VR Srinivasan who is presently in JNU, which is widely regarded as a Marxist stronghold and breeding ground for future communist leaders in Indian politics. Before I get into the specifics of my visit, a word about my friend who has had a very interesting career path till date!!
VR Srinivasan or VRS, as he was popularly called in our Engineering College CECRI (Central Electrochemical Research Institute, Karaikudi), found out that after all Chemical Engineering wasn't his first love in life, so he let his GRE score of 2290 go in vain. Instead, he took up a plush job in software with Infosys, like a 'true' Engineer. Within a year he was sent onsite to Japan where he had a 'comfortable existence' for two years. Then, all of a sudden, in 2004, he put in his papers, left it all, responded to some 'inner calling' and joined MA Political Science in JNU. Now he is an executive member of the CPI(M) affiliated SFI (Student's Federation of India) and actively participates in politics on and off the campus.
After more than a year in Delhi, I touched base with him and was surprised to know the developments. My first reaction was "Why politics?" and "Of all parties and ideologies, why Communism?" Obviously, like most others I had a kind of biased opinion against Communists. I have never interacted with anyone professing a communist ideology, so, mine were third-person views. From the coverage and reports in the media I was of the impression that the Communists were hell bent in cutting off India from the global community, take it back to the impoverished days of pre-liberalization, bring back public-monopoly and the resultant corruption, inefficiencies and demand-supply mismatch.
When the last parliamentary election results came and the communists had come back strongly, I was then working in Cognizant. We were having a discussion and some of my friends strongly opined "Whats wrong with the Indian voting populace? How can 'anyone' vote for the communists in today's globalized world? There was also an opinion that Communism is an outdated concept which doesn't have much relevance today!"
Nevertheless, VRS getting into this apparent 'pit' prompted me to rethink and I was grappling with a bevy of questions in my mind. So, when he actually extended me an invitation to go over and visit him in his 'den', it got me excited. Immediately I accepted it and planned for a detailed tete-a-tete. Finally around mid-Feb, one of our presentations scheduled for late evening at FMS got cancelled and I pounced at the chance to materialize the meeting. I called him up and confirmed. However, for some reason I wasn't very comfortable with the visit, probably because of my strong biases. After a 20 minutes drive I reached JNU late in the evening with a plan to spend time till late-night.
Well, it was not my first visit to JNU. Of these two years in FMS, we have been struggling hard to spend quality night-time in a city starved of night-life. There are just a couple of places in South Delhi that are open at night and JNU is one of them. So, we used to drop into JNU's Ganga Dhaba now and then, for tea and snacks, usually around 1-2 am in the night. During our visits we used to observe the people and get amazed by the posters that were put up all over the place. Checking the communist posters and pamphlets used to be a routine practice during our visits. Our feeling about the posters can be summed up in just three words: Strong, radical and hard-hitting!!
Now I was venturing to explore the source of these very posters and pamphlets, for, I heard that VRS had taken up responsibilities of preparing these for the SFI. Every time I used to read in the news about the Left front stalling liberalization measures like raising FDI limits, entertaining foreign players, my heart sank. Now, I was expecting a healthy dialogue on the various pro and counter viewpoints with him and wished to fathom what the communists were 'actually' upto! Finally I met him in his hostel room. After six years he still looked pretty much the same as in college, atleast by appearance! Then we caught up on the happenings over the past years and did a status-update. Now it was time for dinner and we decided to thrash out issues over South Indian food at Udupi's in Munirka!
After placing orders, I started with questions as elementary as "Are CPI(M) and CPM one and the same?"!! From a person who considers all left parties equally 'evil' you cannot expect better awareness! Okay, before I move on, for people with similar doubts, yes both are the same! Also I was 'educated' that CPI (Marxist) was an offshoot of the CPI and that they have 'some' differences in their ideologies. I was also told that the 'Left front' is a boquet of many parties (which, I broadly knew) including CPM, CPI, Forward Bloc and RSP amongst others. We debated on three major issues:
1. I first broached discussion on the issue which was fresh in mind and that was rankling me "Why does the Left oppose FDI in sectors like, say retail and also the entry of players like Wal Mart?" This has been a hotly debated topic at FMS in our Retail Management course, but our views were the pros and cons from the management standpoint. To this question, he asked me the need for it. I had ready reasons like a) Stimulation of the sector by foreign investment, b) Competition and efficiency, c) Availability of better and advanced goods. He countered this by saying that the Left front doesn’t totally oppose FDI, and in the process he shocked me! He qualified it by saying that they are open to FDI with certain restrictions like transfer of technology, local employment and procurement among other conditions. He reasoned saying that unbridled opening up would lead to greater disparity of wealth and exacerbate things like the Andhra farmer suicides. I was open to the issue of controlled-FDI, but was not comfortable with some of the overriding conditions, which I felt would make India unattractive as a destination and would dissuade foreign participation. However, one argument against Wal Mart appeared valid. It wasn’t about job losses, but about Wal Mart’s probable sourcing of goods from foreign destinations like China even after its entry into India and hence it ultimately leading to a major structural problem for the country.
2. I raised the common criticism that people have against the left when it comes to National politics. "The Left parties have one stance when it comes to the centre and another when it comes to their own state, like West Bengal". I expected an obvious denial of a double-stance. But I was surprised when he admitted to it and defended it with "When it comes to state policies, it is partly dictated by Centre and ultimately it has to compete with other states for development. But it is a different issue when it comes to centre's policies, as they have to look at structural issues keeping in mind the objective of national self-sufficiency". It kind of answered my question but I wasn't totally convinced with this as I felt that even at the national level, the centre has the responsibility of competing with other countries to make India the preferred destination for global capital.
3. VRS spoke about the Iran gas pipeline issue. I didn't have a personal view on this issue earlier, so am presenting his views. "After India's peace process with Pakistan since 2004, the four countries Iran-Pakistan-India-China have chalked out an ambitious pipeline project to transport natural gas from Iran to India through Pakistan. This would ensure energy security for India and breed cooperation amongst the major countries in the subcontinent. Now in the midst of all this, the US has stepped in and offered to give India Civilian-Nuclear energy know-how through a Indo-US Nuclear cooperation agreement." He claimed that this was a move by the US to preclude the possibility of a consolidation of power in the subcontinent. He also reasoned saying that the Left doesn't have any vested interests with Iran on this issue. This argument appeared very convincing. Later on, after getting back to campus I've tried to dig more information on this issue and came to know about the various arguments and the real power dynamics behind it. For people who want to know more about the project, here is a link I had googled:
http://www.bhpbilliton.com/bbContentRepository/Presentations/IndiaOilGasConfence.pdf
By now we were done with our dinner, so off we went back to JNU to continue our discussion! It was now that he decided to introduce me to his 'leftist' friends! I had the chance to meet two very learned people: Caesar Basu, 2nd yr MA Pol Science AND Maidul Islam, 1st yr MPhil. Probably they were surprised to meet a management student professing ‘capitalism’! Again we had a discussion on issues some of which I had discussed with VRS, nevertheless, it was an enjoyable argument!! Maidul spoke at length about econometric theories and macroeconomics, some of which I could related to from the economics paper I had done at FMS. All the while, Caesar silently listened to my justification of the need for FDI in retail! But, I must admit he had a very charismatic presence.
Then, back in his room, VRS shared the posters and pamphlets he had prepared. His latest posters were on the protest against the arrival of the French decommissioned aircraft carrier Clemenceau in India. He also told me about his just-concluded Guwahati conference on Open Source Software and his forthcoming conference at Pakistan!! He was then making a poster on Abhu Gharib prison torture and the human rights issues. I couldn’t help but be surprised with his total involvement into Marxist politics. He also proudly tells me that he has participated in some strikes and has faced the water cannon!! Really something unimaginable of the VRS I knew of in CECRI. While I was about to leave I met the SFI secretary Subhanil, 3rd yr PhD in Economics AND Moggallan, another active member and interesting person!!
As I bade good bye and left JNU at 2 am, I had come to grips with a new awareness on Communism. I had also found out that the Left doesn’t hold an ‘Extreme or Utopian’ position when it came to majority of the policies. Some of their stance was reasonable, particularly those professing all-round development of the country and reduction of the income disparity of the various classes of population. However, some was still unfathomable to me, yet.
By now we were done with our dinner, so off we went back to JNU to continue our discussion! It was now that he decided to introduce me to his 'leftist' friends! I had the chance to meet two very learned people: Caesar Basu, 2nd yr MA Pol Science AND Maidul Islam, 1st yr MPhil. Probably they were surprised to meet a management student professing ‘capitalism’! Again we had a discussion on issues some of which I had discussed with VRS, nevertheless, it was an enjoyable argument!! Maidul spoke at length about econometric theories and macroeconomics, some of which I could related to from the economics paper I had done at FMS. All the while, Caesar silently listened to my justification of the need for FDI in retail! But, I must admit he had a very charismatic presence.
Then, back in his room, VRS shared the posters and pamphlets he had prepared. His latest posters were on the protest against the arrival of the French decommissioned aircraft carrier Clemenceau in India. He also told me about his just-concluded Guwahati conference on Open Source Software and his forthcoming conference at Pakistan!! He was then making a poster on Abhu Gharib prison torture and the human rights issues. I couldn’t help but be surprised with his total involvement into Marxist politics. He also proudly tells me that he has participated in some strikes and has faced the water cannon!! Really something unimaginable of the VRS I knew of in CECRI. While I was about to leave I met the SFI secretary Subhanil, 3rd yr PhD in Economics AND Moggallan, another active member and interesting person!!
As I bade good bye and left JNU at 2 am, I had come to grips with a new awareness on Communism. I had also found out that the Left doesn’t hold an ‘Extreme or Utopian’ position when it came to majority of the policies. Some of their stance was reasonable, particularly those professing all-round development of the country and reduction of the income disparity of the various classes of population. However, some was still unfathomable to me, yet.
VRS maintains a blog called 'New Praxis in a Changed World' where his inner voice finds a space on the net. Here is the link: http://srinivasanvr.blogspot.com/ The same link is also permanently available under the 'Blogs I Track' header.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Yet another Night-Out!!
Yesterday night, after we came back from the second show of ‘Rang de Basanti’, it was about 2 am when I had updated my latest post (read: http://kesari.blogspot.com/2006/02/my-take-on-rang-de-basanti.html). Just then my eyes were getting tired and waiting to catch some sleep, when the icon of the game ‘Railroad Tycoon’ on my desktop started teasing and inviting me like a bar-girl in one of Mumbai’s now-closed dance bars! Weak at heart I immediately gave up and entered this enchanting world. In no time, I formed a Rail company and was thick in the race competing with three other computer players building railroads all over 19th century America and linking up its far-flung cities! Additionally I also bought over several industries and made a killing by transporting freight from those plants to the major town centers processing these materials. (For people serious about Strategy gaming, this is definitely a game to try your hand at. A new 3D version of the game Railroad Tycoon III was released some months back. Check: www.railroadtycoon3.com/)
I had a Campaign-Target of hitting a net worth of $5 million by 1905 and by 1893 I had already surpassed $3.2 million. I was busy planning my next foray when I heard a sound at the doorstep. “Who at this time of the night?” I thought out loud and turned towards the door when I saw the day’s ET being slipped under the door! My heart skipped a beat..! “What the Heck, when did ET start printing a night-edition! By any standards, this is just too early for the paper to land up”. To reassure myself I pulled the window-curtains when the bright-morning-rays crashed into the room and hit on my face awkwardly! With a heightened sense of guilt, I reluctantly turned towards the alarm-clock.. 7:55 am! My megalomania and hours of empire building had cost me a full-day’s sleep.
“What next?” I thought.. I could brush and land up in the mess at 8 am sharp.. But I decided against it as I thought that I should know better than to give the mess-manager a heart-attack! Its been months since I had my breakfast in the morning, and today if I had turned up, and that at 8, I was sure it would be too much for the poor soul and so decided to spare him. So, I tip-toed to the water cooler, ‘drank’ my diet-breakfast and rushed back to the room, lest someone see me and poke fun at my mania, again! But coming to think about it, I had done the same thing innumerable number of times at FMS and during Engineering.
When I woke up again, I again had a reluctant look at the alarm-clock not sure what day it was and what time of the day it was! The clock showed 6:00.. No clue whether it was early-morning or late-evening! I had an uneasy feeling.. “Did I sleep the whole of Monday for a good 22 hours??” For assistance I pulled my curtain and peered through the window.. The outside was dimly lit – easily could have been break of dawn OR dawn of dusk! Delhi's bizarre climate and seesawing winter didn't help things.. I pulled out the paste-brush, hid it safely in my pocket, gathered courage and stuttered out of the room! There were people sipping their tea and munching biscuits.. Logically reasoning, it must be the evening snacks I thought.. atleast the mess doesn’t open up so early! Big Relief, Monday was still there for me.
Just as I passed them, one of them asked “Just got up, huh?” I replied “Yes, a good afternoon’s sleep!!” and made sure the paste-brush didn’t peep out of my pocket!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
My Latest Affair!!
Throughout my life, I've been besotted with a streak of affairs. If you ask me when it all actually started, I don't remember clearly. But if I were to make a guess, it was sometime as early as when I was about 12 years old. Let me describe this first crush. I was visiting my relatives in Madurai with my parents, which was supposed to be a routine courtesy call and a get-together. It was then, that I was introduced to her. She was sitting alone in their air-conditioned drawing room which was also dimly lit. That was our first tete-a-tete and I still fondly remember that. We met and interacted for close to an hour after which we had to leave, and sadly she had to be shut down ;) !
Yes, that day I was introduced to the world of Computer gaming! The first game I played was 'Parachuter' one of the 80s classics. Then, I didn't realize that computer games would become my addiction for life. My gaming mania has continued all through my school, engineering, my workex in Cognizant Technology Solutions (briefly, though) and now in FMS! Though my area of gaming has drifted from 'arena' to 'adventure' and to finally 'Strategy Games' (RTS - Real Time Strategy) where it has stayed for quite sometime now.
I have been totally obsessed with two games: Age of Empires (all releases upto the latest 3rd one) and Rise of Nations, both from Microsoft. More about these games some other time, coz they need 'sufficient dedicated space'!
Now let me come to my latest affair in this series.. About three weeks back, in-between lectures we were chatting up as usual to discuss doubts that we had during the lecture ;), when suddenly I saw this ‘Games’ link in yahoo messenger and decided to explore it. The drop-down threw up a host of games from 'Pool' to ‘Spades’ to what not.. That got me excited and considering my love for words, I decided to try a game called 'Word Racer'.. Man, was it enjoyable? It was amazingly entertaining.
Briefly about the game, you'll have to form words out of a maze of letters by linking the letters sequentially in any possible direction. Longer the words, more points you get. It gets better when you play against human opponents in a timed mode. Since that day I've been getting deeper into the game by playing with all my friends on Yahoo Messenger. Now I've graduated and I regularly play online in the Yahoo games site against upto 7 players over the internet.
Another person who has helped me with this addiction deserves mention here! Its Akriti Gupta, my junior at FMS who has challenged me to this game quite a number of times and won a couple of times, and lost the rest! At last count, we had a 'Best of Three' championship in 'neutral' ground (the computer centre). It was a fiercely fought war which couldn't be continued after the first two battles as it had already produced a result in my favor: 2-0. Better luck to her next time!
For starters, heres the link: http://games.yahoo.com/games/agl?gn=gn_word (Choose Word Racer)
Try playing the game and believe me, its addictive. In case you happen to play the game online anytime, watch out for the Y! id b_ganesh_2000, coz chances are that I might be online too :)
Yes, that day I was introduced to the world of Computer gaming! The first game I played was 'Parachuter' one of the 80s classics. Then, I didn't realize that computer games would become my addiction for life. My gaming mania has continued all through my school, engineering, my workex in Cognizant Technology Solutions (briefly, though) and now in FMS! Though my area of gaming has drifted from 'arena' to 'adventure' and to finally 'Strategy Games' (RTS - Real Time Strategy) where it has stayed for quite sometime now.
I have been totally obsessed with two games: Age of Empires (all releases upto the latest 3rd one) and Rise of Nations, both from Microsoft. More about these games some other time, coz they need 'sufficient dedicated space'!
Now let me come to my latest affair in this series.. About three weeks back, in-between lectures we were chatting up as usual to discuss doubts that we had during the lecture ;), when suddenly I saw this ‘Games’ link in yahoo messenger and decided to explore it. The drop-down threw up a host of games from 'Pool' to ‘Spades’ to what not.. That got me excited and considering my love for words, I decided to try a game called 'Word Racer'.. Man, was it enjoyable? It was amazingly entertaining.
Briefly about the game, you'll have to form words out of a maze of letters by linking the letters sequentially in any possible direction. Longer the words, more points you get. It gets better when you play against human opponents in a timed mode. Since that day I've been getting deeper into the game by playing with all my friends on Yahoo Messenger. Now I've graduated and I regularly play online in the Yahoo games site against upto 7 players over the internet.
Another person who has helped me with this addiction deserves mention here! Its Akriti Gupta, my junior at FMS who has challenged me to this game quite a number of times and won a couple of times, and lost the rest! At last count, we had a 'Best of Three' championship in 'neutral' ground (the computer centre). It was a fiercely fought war which couldn't be continued after the first two battles as it had already produced a result in my favor: 2-0. Better luck to her next time!
For starters, heres the link: http://games.yahoo.com/games/agl?gn=gn_word (Choose Word Racer)
Try playing the game and believe me, its addictive. In case you happen to play the game online anytime, watch out for the Y! id b_ganesh_2000, coz chances are that I might be online too :)
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
My Take on Rang de Basanti..
The movie 'Rang de..' has won rave reviews and huge public support. Since Jan end I'd been planning to watch it because of the 'Aamir Khan' factor. After media reviews and friend's comments, I got lot more reasons to check it out.
Finally I did watch it, about a week back. Here, I'll share my take on the movie. I'm no seasoned movie critic, so let me keep it simple by talking about five things I liked best about the movie.
1. The first thing that struck me was the sheer brilliance of the parallel: British Imperial oppression & Indian freedom movement -AND- Bureacratic oppression, corruption & Middle class struggle. This brilliant concept has been handled exceptionally well by the director with scenes from both the eras switching on and off throughout the movie. This effect has been accentuated by astute deployment of Black & White colours for history and also the use of same actors in both eras. The director touches upon the striking similarities in both the stories. Another highlight is the scene of recreation of Jalianwala Bagh - where the Defence Minister takes the place of General Dyers and orders the shooting of Madhavan!
2. Another thing you notice about the movie is its refreshingly different and offbeat storyline. The first half is light, full of life and introduces the characters and their attitude to life. The characters slowly gel together and make an attempt to fit into their assigned roles in the documentary being shot by the firang. The partying reaches a dizzying height around the time of entry of Madhavan. With his departure, reality kicks in. Now the movie beautifully portrays the struggle of the characters to face reality and their difficulty to accept status quo. This is also a point where both the parallel stories converge and the real struggle to 'make a difference' in the society begins. How they butt in and contribute to the society is the rest of the story.
The movie raises a very valid point - the middle class cannot afford to comment on the status quo from a distance. If one really wants a change to come about, HE/SHE has to do it.. HE/SHE has to dirty his/her hands and set in motion a new beginning. The director has made sure that the message doesn't get lost or get diluted. In the last scene, when all the five lead characters look deep into your eyes, you are left with no option but to promise yourself that YOU WILL DO SOMETHING about it. So, strong is the message and emotion.
3. Music by AR Rahman. The background score for the movie is just mind-blowing. I'll have to admit that the first time I heard the songs, I found it kind of strange and not convincing. But then AR Rahman's music grows on you and after watching the movie, I just cannot stop listening to the tracks again! Picturisation of the popular number 'Rang de Basanti' is enchanting as you see all the colours unfolding in front of your eyes in a brilliant array. For the record, my favourite tracks are: Luka Chuppi and Khoon Chala.
4. To say that all the characters have acted well would be an understatement.. They have lived the roles and not for a minute do you think that they are 'performing' for you. Aamir Khan's outburst is ONE of the high points of acting in the movie.
5. DELHI Student Life!! Yes, the entire movie is based out of Delhi, which has been my home for the past two years. One gets to relish varied shots of Delhi, what with the camera covering all angles of Habitat Centre and a lot of other places. It gives a glimpse of the vibrancy of Delhi's student life. Aamir Khan's punjabi accent and tongue-in-cheek humour is another thing that captivates you. Towards the end of the movie you start missing him.
Overall, 'Rang De Basanti' has been a treat to relish.. I already have plans to watch it again sometime soon. Will add to this post, if I 'discover' something new!!
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[Post Edited - 20 Feb, 2006 3:00 AM]
Well, checked out ‘Rang de Basanti’ again at Chanakya Cinemas today and I’m just back from the show!! Know what, just as the movie got over, I was already longing to do a ‘Once More’!! This is turning into yet another compulsive addiction for me :) I cannot think of any other movie that has gone down so well with me in the past..
If you ask me what captivated my attention the second time, then undoubtedly it would be these three things: Sidharth, AR Rahman and Madhavan. Well, it’s nothing more than a coincidence that this also happens to be the Tamil connection with the movie ;)
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Incredible Agra: The Dream Tour turned Sour!!
Hello all,
Well, its been more than 7 months since my last and first post!! Know what, the writer in me is VERY ANGRY!! His first outburst came in the form of an account of my recent disastrous Agra tour.. During the trip, things went so grossly wrong that 'disaster' would be an understatement.. Well, enough of preface, on to the account rightaway!!
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INCREDIBLE AGRA: THE DREAM TOUR TURNED SOUR!!
Date: 21st Jan 2006
Time: 9:50 pm
Venue: Moti Bagh Chai bhandar, Delhi
Take 1, Action!! “Bhaiyya, five tea” roared Arun Kumar a.k.a (also known as) Charles.C.Raj (the initial is anyone’s guess!!) alias Charlie, in his much improved Hindi dialect! Wow, how much Hindi he’s picked up in two years since coming to FMS?!! The order was for Premjit alias baba, Jai alias Jai Bhagwan, Poddar alias Michael Poddar, Charles and Ganes Kesari, oops that’s me.!! We had come on our usual nocturnal jaunt to our own Tea stall to wash down the as-always-yummy-and-delectable mess dinner! The ERP class that evening had also been very heavy as usual, with lots of case analysis, live discussions, impromptu presentations and what not…
With Final Placements round the corner, the discussion obviously was centered on General Knowledge wherein the group shared its ‘knowledge’ on the ‘general’ happenings with 'students' in the Satya Niketan area and about ‘technological advances’ like the fast adoption of Bluetooth in ‘business areas’ around the Delhi malls and places like Priya complex, for whatever reason ;) !! Then, we had a quick update on the Current Affairs front, what with a couple of couples from the Pioneers ‘breaking all norms’ of late, true to the spirit of MBA MS!!
Ping-ping…. Tring-tring… all mobiles went off like the Russian synchronized swimming team!! There was a familiar glance in the faces of the gang.. Premjit went off ‘Oh, saala it has to be Dujari again.. who else in this world can do such a feat, consistently?’ For the uninitiated, it was Anand Dujari, the sole connecting link amongst the MS batch, who religiously does a thankless job of forwarding sms to the whole batch, unmindful of whatever time of the day it is.. Jai, the head boy of ‘Exilir’ read out the message “Dear second years, the FDA and Insurance class scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled.. Thanks for your attention.. - Anand Dujari”. “Yipeeee!!” shrieked the gang, finally a free Sunday.. All the brains started working at a fast pace to fill in the schedule..
“Kahin chalte yaar” started Premjit, yet again.. I added “I’m game, anywhere. Why don’t we go to Jaipur. That’s been on the cards for quite some time”. Poddar added, “Sure, why not? Suckers lets freeze it this time”. Jai summed it up “Bhai log chalo, we’ll leave today by car and we can come back in a day.. pakka”. With a plan made, the gang heaved a sigh of relief.. Great, so we were going places.. literally!! We ordered another round of chai to have one last glance at the last lot of 'locals' who were closing business for the night!!
10:30 pm - Back to the hostel
We went shouting up the stairs.. “Jaipur, anyone… Jaipur, anyone… Trip tonight…” There was a reply from the second floor.. “Agra, Agra.. Trip tonight, anybody coming” that was our Baabe alias Maneesh Pherwani selling out tickets for an Agra trip.. “Now, where the hell did this plan come from” we wondered.. To thrash out the issue, we arranged a GD in our second floor common ‘meeting room’, which also happens to be the room used for staying by Saroop alias Swaroop!! Pherwani put forward the structure of the discussion and Tiwari moderated it, noise was provided by all assembled.. Final outcome: Agra plan finalized for the day, or rather night.. Nine warriors volunteered to enlist for the critical mission!! Our initial gang of five were part of the volunteers.. The MAMA gang minus Aditya came forward.. It was said that Adi had some ‘pressing’ issue to attend to J.. So, the warriors conveyed their best wishes for his mission and moved on ;) Prem K Nath alias Kamnath made the final cut. The team reassembled in the ‘meeting room’ for the mission debriefing by the acting local guide for the day, Saroop (a keen investor in stock markets, and a chemical engineer from Agra University!). The plan was clearly chalked out and the roles assigned – 2 cars, 4 drivers and 5 entertainers (whose job was to basically entertain the driver and tickle him if he falls asleep in the highway!)..
12:20 am - Preps on in the Hostel
With all planned out, the preparations were underway.. Jai burnt a CD from his exhaustive movie-cum-audio library, which is probably bigger than all entertainment studios put together (thanks to the hostel wifi and thanks to Uncle!).. I ran to my room and picked up a ‘Shahrukh Hits’ CD and also tucked in a Tamil masti songs CD!! People started packing their rucksacks with eatables, camera, clothes etc.. All the while Udit alias Uncle was roaming around peeping into all rooms and getting excited about the trip.. You’re right, ofcourse he hadn’t volunteered.. However, the warriors were rightly proud of this ‘ideal married man’.. Here was a man who wouldn’t let small worldly pleasures or any other thing come in between him and his first, second and third love - ‘Futures & Options, Commodity trading and Oil Industry’, in the same order.. (sorry, Divya)!!
2:50 am – The journey begins..
Having bathed (jus’ joking!) and freshened up, the warriors were ready to get into battle-mode.. The tanks, a Swift and Lancer commandeered from Premjit and Tiwari were ready to roll.. “Jai Bajrang Bali… Jai Mata Di…” and the battle begins… I logged into Premjit’s Swift and acted as the entertainer for the first part of the journey.. Premjit turned on his high-end Sony stereo and mischievously smiled.. The stereo bellowed ‘G*** mein Dhanda dei…’ which was the latest popular number.. and it marked the beginning of the journey much to the joy of the passengers.. Alas, none of the warriors knew that it was symbolic of their fate in the much touted trip!!
The party made a lot of halts in Dhabhas all along the way.. To get the Retail Marketing experience, we decided to check into the Reliance Petro outlet and A1 café.. Tiwari, a photography enthusiast (“Oh, thank God, purpose served” heaved everyone!) went on a rampage with his own version of Kournikova’s latest Cannon camera, clicking snaps left and right and backside, capturing ‘all’ activities of the people in the process (for whatever reason, now that’s besides the point)!!
7:50 am - Agra
Battle-ground reached.. The warriors set their foot in Agra and the first halt was at Sikandra, the tomb of Mughal Emperor Akbar in all its majestic glory.. A quick tour and couple of snaps later we decided to move on to ‘more exciting’ destinations, unaware of what kind of exciting things were in store for us!!
9:40 am - Fatehpur Sikri
The next halt was at Fatehpur Sikri, once the capital of Akbar and the place where he had built palaces for his three queens, Hindu, Muslim and Christian, a symbol of religious harmony.. It also had the famed Buland Darwaza.. Once out of the cars, we were swarmed by kids who were much younger than 14 years.. They were doling out undeniably attractive propositions.. “Bade Bhai, (yes, they addressed Pheru!) aapki gaadi ko Rani Mukherji banaa doonga, only fifty rupees” or “Bade Bhai, whole place explain, only twenty rupees, believe me very cheap”.. They were offering a ‘bouquet of services’ from washing cars, to acting as guides, to selling memorabilia.. More than the deals, we were over-awed by the English accent used by the kids and the level of confidence and fluency with which they were using the language.. This reinforced the fact that experience is the best teacher, and they probably knew nuances that even a Marketing MBA cannot teach.. This made me wonder how many future Entrepreneurs were in making in that particular place..
11:55 am – Lunch time
On our way back to Agra, we decided to have our lunch at a wayside Dhaba which turned out to be the first of a string of faulty ‘managerial’ decisions that day.. We breached the first Don’t of eating in a Dhaba, by ordering without checking the prices.. To add to that, people went about ordering all kinds of fancy sabjis .. Poddar couldn’t do without a ‘Gobi Manchurian’, which the Dhaba cooks would have only overheard being discussed by tourists passing by!! We were offered strange looking stuff and had difficulty matching the names to the dishes, and we finally gave up.. The server identified Manchurian as a dish that had strange looking lumps soaked in thick muddy water, which strongly resembled something else!! Nevertheless we were famished, so people finished all the stuff double fast.. But, the real problem was with digesting the things eaten after we came to know about the bill.. To sum it up, WE WERE LOOTED.!!
You don’t get much out of arguing with a Dhabawala in some Godforsaken place, after eating his food, except for some unexpected gift which Pheru was entitled to.. Our stars were all stacked up against us so much that one-odd-tribal-charming-one-odd-tamed-monkey-tied-by-one-odd-rope managed to nearly bite Baabe alias Pheru!! We decided enough was enough and planned to carry on to savour the Taj.. Afterall wasn’t that one of the major attractions of our trip?
01:50 pm – Entry into the Taj
Off we drove towards Taj Mahal, where the climax of the day was carefully planned for us!! We parked the cars outside the park and walked through the park enjoying the Minar’s beauty, as we were approaching the greatest symbol of man’s love on Earth. Due to heightened security, we were forced to part with our mobiles at the locker.. We dutifully handed the 7 mobiles (ok, 2 were left in the car.. in hindsight it would have been safer to leave all 9 in the car!!) to the guard. Even though I was checking out Shah Jahan’s monument for the third time in two years, the magnificence of Taj overwhelmed me.. We clicked as many snaps as we could in front of the masterpiece..
Inside the Taj, we moved on to the basement where people generally leave their shoes.. We were relaxing there and taking snaps.. Kamnath grew tired and made himself a seat on the railing, just like some other people.. Now knowing about our unfavourable Stars position, a shoe-stand-wala rushed in from nowhere and started barking at Kamnath asking him to get up at once or else… Our Andhra Bull was infuriated at the treatment meted out to him in the lap of the Taj, so in Chiranjeevi style he retorted and it grew into a heated argument!! Now, the other guy started pushing Kamnath around.. Man, this was it.. The eight of us jumped into the fray.. “How the hell can you touch our guy?” we bellowed.. Pheru dropped a couple of interesting logics.. “Tu government hai to mai fauji hoon!!” Others pitched in with a couple of conveniently modified sayings.. The commotion was great and we attracted everyone’s attention.. Now, the public was getting some unpaid fun to savour.. and they lapped it up.. However, the couple Shahjahan and Mumtaz must have turned in their grave!! Finally, a policeman jumped into the scene and settled the dispute and the crowd departed with disappointment!! Proud at having set right a wrong attitude, we moved on!!
03:30 pm – Exit from the Taj
We were forced to come out of the Taj in less than a couple of hours as we were left with less time and no one wanted to miss the Agra Fort lest the tour be incomplete.. But apparently the tour was destined to ‘be finished off’ in better ways!! By now, the Taj was flooded with people and a looong queue had formed at the locker counter.. Saroop got onto the line and the rest of us sat on the railings to ‘critically observe’ the foreigners in a bid to appreciate other realistic forms of beauty!!
We were lost in our duties when suddenly Premjit rushed to us breathlessly “Someone has taken my mobile and has ran away from the counter.. We must catch him”.. It was a sudden jolt from the blue.. His latest Sony mobile was a star attraction in the campus and was worth more than 15k.. “Shit, it would be too much too lose it” we thought and immediately the Hero in us popped out instantly.. Charles who had till now largely been a silent ‘observer’ sprung to action fastest and immediately scampered towards the guy.. Poddar, unmindful of his already injured leg (oh, he tragically injured it by pouring hot water.. yes unintentionally!) started second on his way.. When something of this sort has happened, how can I be far behind? I started running after Charles.. Premjit by now recollected his senses and started running as fast as he could after us, shouting “Chor, chor, pakdo, pakdo!!”.. By now everyone, absolutely everyone around Taj started looking at us.. My pride suddenly grew King size and I felt like I was running the last lap of the Olympic Marathon!! I fastened my pace and ran as fast as I could behind Arun “Oye bastard.. Here I come, in search of glory”!!
Now a couple of guys in their 20s, in a bid to help us get the culprit closed in on Arun and caught him, mistaking him to be the thief!! Arun continued in his Hindi “No Bhaiyya, the thief is running ahead in a Brown jacket”.. Enlightened by his ‘fluent’ Hindi, the guys gave up chasing the culprit, leaving all the glory to just the few of us!! By now the ‘culprit’ was within visible distance.. to everyone’s surprise he got into a minibus which was about to start.. Off went Arun, Jai and Poddar into the rear exit of the bus after him.. Now, I thought fast “What if the guy got out off the front exit.. These guys would all lose time catching him.. Wow!! Great idea.. So I decided to surprise the culprit by directly rushing to the front exit.. Obviously flattered by my brilliant plan I rushed to the front… surprise surprise, I couldn’t find one!! Alas, it being a minibus, it had only one rear exit!! “SHUCKS” Disappointment writ large on my face at having my plan go down the drain, I rushed back to the only exit in the bus and jumped in! By now Premjit was at the guy’s collar and using unparliamentary words that involved motherly and sisterly relations!! From the rear end I had a glimpse of the guy’s face.. oh boy, was I shocked??!! The guy was bleeding from his nose to teeth.. There was blood smeared all over his face.. And there was Arun, still punching him from side to side and tirelessly beating him blue.. Bravely, he grabbed his head and banged it on the window, which reminded me of Rajinikant in one of his action movies!! An old man sitting at the rear end of the bus told me “This guy has already been beaten enough, please don’t join them in whacking him”.. Being a person who respects public sentiment, I decided not to intervene!!
By now, the guy was being pulled out of the bus and all our brave warriors were queued up outside the bus beside him.. Being a part of the chase, I proudly took a place beside the culprit.. The trophy was mine too!! A HUGE crowd had gathered all over the place, around us and it felt like we had won India a Gold medal in the Olympics and were about to be raised on to the podium!! The police promptly joined the party and I had a feeling that they had come to felicitate us with the ‘Red & White Bravery Award’ for 2006 for displaying bravery in public life!! We stood fast with the culprit. By now, some members of the crowd started moving towards the culprit to exhibit some of their macho on the caged tiger.. Immediately the policemen realized the seriousness of the situation and started frisking the guy to the nearby police booth.. behind him, we went.. and ofcourse the crowd followed..
Now, suddenly the guy started waving the mobile and claimed that it had pictures of him taken in the Agra Fort. He kept claiming that it was his own. Now, for a moment, I got suspicious. “How the hell is this guy so confident?” I thought to myself “Hell, whatever, we shouldn’t check the mobile before reaching the police booth.. verifying it here might land us in trouble”. Just then one brave soul in our group volunteered, “Ok, show us the picture. Lets see”! There I was waiting with bated breath looking at the mobile, as if waiting for the third umpire’s decision!! “Will he or Won’t he?”
The Hunters get hunted!!
He finally opened the mobile and showed it to the crowd – yes, it indeed had his picture!! “Shucks, We’re screwed” I told myself. Now Premjit whispered to us “I think there has been a small mistake”.. We shuddered and thought “A mistake? A small one? Oh, now the crowd will show us how small it was!” It was then that I noticed that I was wearing the FMS sweat shirt that day!! “Oh my God, of all days why today??!!” In our group, five of us were with a similar sweatshirt. Now, Premjit tried maintaining his aggressive posture by shouting to the guy “Then, why did you run when we chased you?” But clearly his voice was getting drowned and it was obvious that we won’t be able to hold the fort any longer.. Our fort walls had been breached and we were just waiting for the enemy troops to rush in for the kill! Slowly the ‘warriors’ tried slipping away from the scene one by one!!
But sadly enough, we had attracted too much of unnecessary attention, much to our detriment.. Now, we were firmly into this quicksand and it was slowly eating us away!! By now, Saroop was back from the locker and he started distributing the mobiles unaware of the quagmire we were into.. I was told that he had Premjit’s mobile too!! This confirmed things and made me understand what had happened then.. Fortunately, we all maintained that the mobile was still lost..
Just then, some guy cried out of public interest “Inko pakdo, aur inko maro”.. ZAP.. out of nowhere a whole army of people charged upon us!! Now, more people started taking initiative and they started identifying the ‘warriors’ involved.. One guy from behind me shouted “yeh bhi tha, isko bhi maro” and pushed me in.. Quickly enough, Saroop who was neither a part of the chase nor the mugging drama was identified and pushed in too, thanks to his sweatshirt! I consciously steered away from the crowd and moved onto the pavement.. Fortunately I wasn’t pushed in again.. By now, people were focusing on Maneesh, Saroop, Poddar, Jai and Arun. Of these people, Arun who was the prime target safely stood behind the policeman and seeked protection. Maneesh was frantically wrestling with a couple of guys in the crowd.. Then, I turned to look at Jai.. One very heavy blow landed on him from behind.. Someone who had obviously gotten enough from his wife was showing all his ‘bravery’ on our ‘Exilir’ head.. Jai, for a moment thought that one of his ears had ceased functioning!! Out of great concern he did “Ear testing 1,2,3 on the spot!!” Just then, another brave hen-pecked soul gave him another extra-strong blow.. In the impact, he lost balance inspite of all his rock-climbing-and-balancing-experience (This made it amply clear that he had spent more time ogling at foreigners in the mountaineering institute ;) !!) and his new glasses slipped... he just managed to grab it..
Now, it was Poddar’s turn.. One guy was charging at him from behind and there were about ten to twenty kids (yes, just like the same creative, fluent, young salesmen discussed earlier!).. Everyone has a first time, and these kids identified this was the right time to start kicking a person in their life, so they promptly joined in! They wasted no time in mercilessly kicking his posterior.. With great difficulty, they were just tall enough to reach his butts, so they landed a couple of shots there.. Poor Poddar turned back and got the shock of his life seeing him getting kicked by kids! Spontaneously, sexually offensive unparliamentary words found their way out!! But did it matter??! Now, he was getting too worried about how he would go down in history books for getting kicked by kids.. Just as if to pacify him, a policeman walked in and whacked him hard on the head with a lathi!! His moment of glory had arrived and now his soul would rest in peace!!
By now, the policemen had realized that it was for them to intervene and save the ‘brave warriors’ who were at the public’s mercy!! So, they started waving their lathis around, freely hitting anything it came in contact with.. Unfortunately, Saroop was being pushed around and he got hit by the lathi near his eye, which got swollen instantaneously.. He got the shock of his life by getting beaten for no fault of his! This made him crazy and he started bombarding the policemen and all those around him in hi-class Oxford-bred English, in his own flamboyant roundabout style!! We really couldn’t make out what he was upto!! The policemen tried controlling the mob and immediately decided to get us out of the place.. For once, I realized how important the Police force was in a democracy!!
They summoned a van and got the ‘supposed culprit’ and the ‘real culprits’ in!! With 5 of our guys in the police van, it was jam packed and it started moving out of the scene.. Hell, there I was still standing besides the mob on the platform and I got scared to death! I was all alone there, still in my sweatshirt.. (I decided it would be a bad idea to remove it in front of everyone lest they see and beat me for trying to hide!).. I tried to move towards the van but without success.. With a heavy heart I saw the van going away from the scene!! For the first time in my life I wished that the police pick me up too and take me to the police station!! But it was too late.. There I was, a sheep abandoned in front of a pack of hungry wolves.. For the first time in my life, I felt unsafe in an open public space!!
Quickly I decided to get the hell out of the place as fast as I could.. I didn’t know where the police station was and did not have the heart to ask anyone around.. So, I started walking in the direction in which the van had gone.. I had gone a few feet when I heard some commotion, and fear engulfed me!! “Oh shit, there they are coming after me!!” I turned back but didn’t see anyone!! So I continued on my way.. This kept happening again and again and after some time I realized I was getting too paranoid and consciously decided not to turn back lest I give some bugger in the public a signal!! After I had gone a few yards, there was noise again.. now it was approaching in my direction!! I had studied Doppler’s effect and no, this was not a hallucination!! I resigned to my fate and lay there waiting for them to come and take me!! Then reluctantly I turned back.. There, I saw Premjit being paraded by a gang of teenaged guys and about 50 kids!! Yes, there were about 50 kids swarming all over him..!! This immediately brought to my mind a scene from the movie ‘Black Hawk Down’ wherein an American pilot of one of the downed Choppers is paraded in the streets of Somalia with a horde of Somali locals and children swarming all over him!! Premjit’s face was white as snow, except for some light smears of the ‘culprit’s’ blood, which he had picked up while trying to hack the guy to death for committing the heinous crime of ‘buying a similar high-end mobile’!!
Now, Premjit also had his Sony Handycam around his neck.. I realized that the crowd was leading him in my direction.. Then, I made a quick decision to go and join him, come what may.. coz he was all alone and I had a feeling he could be threatened and robbed.. I felt that walking away from the scene would be a cowardly decision,.. So, I walked up towards him and much to the surprise of the crowd I joined him.. Then I learnt that the people were actually helping him go to the police station ‘safely’.. I heaved a sigh of relief.. The crowd following us slowly subsided as we reached the police station..
In front of the police station it was a happy reunion for the ‘warriors’.. Now I saw the ‘culprit’ again.. he had his face wiped clean and apparently he just had a broken nose.. To avenge his anger he punched Arun once in the police station and things were even now.. (ok, atleast theoretically!!) The policemen told us that it was an unfortunate coincidence and a clear misunderstanding, however they emphasized that we should have refrained from hitting the ‘supposed culprit’!!
4:50 pm – The drama ends
But now we were reluctant to walk back to the cars, lest we be lynched by the mob!! With great difficulty we pleaded the Police Constable to escort us back to the car.. He agreed and there we were, the six of us being shielded by a lathi-wielding constable till we reached our cars!! Tiwari and Premnath were the only two people in our gang who had moved out of this confusion early on.. they joined us at the car park and we left the place as soon as we could.. Me moved to another part of Agra, changed or atleast covered our sweat shirts and went in search of first aid for Saroop.. After getting him treated, the tempers cooled a bit and we checked into a bakery and ate to our hearts content.. We had too much coming at us in too short a time!! To commemorate our memorable journey, some guys bought the Agra-famous Pethas to carry back! By now, we started missing the safe environs of the South Campus.. So, we packed our bags and started on our journey back.. Fortunately, I don’t have anything to say about the return journey!! With Tiwari and Pheru firmly behind the wheel, we kept going.. When I was woken up, there we were in front of our own ‘China Bowl’! It was a very nice feeling!! We grabbed a quick dinner and rushed back to the hostel to catchup with some much needed sleep...
Inspite of all the goof ups and the mob-effect, I am sure this tour would find a place right up there in our memory!! Long live the Taj!! And long live our 'pleasant' memories!!
Well, its been more than 7 months since my last and first post!! Know what, the writer in me is VERY ANGRY!! His first outburst came in the form of an account of my recent disastrous Agra tour.. During the trip, things went so grossly wrong that 'disaster' would be an understatement.. Well, enough of preface, on to the account rightaway!!
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INCREDIBLE AGRA: THE DREAM TOUR TURNED SOUR!!
Date: 21st Jan 2006
Time: 9:50 pm
Venue: Moti Bagh Chai bhandar, Delhi
Take 1, Action!! “Bhaiyya, five tea” roared Arun Kumar a.k.a (also known as) Charles.C.Raj (the initial is anyone’s guess!!) alias Charlie, in his much improved Hindi dialect! Wow, how much Hindi he’s picked up in two years since coming to FMS?!! The order was for Premjit alias baba, Jai alias Jai Bhagwan, Poddar alias Michael Poddar, Charles and Ganes Kesari, oops that’s me.!! We had come on our usual nocturnal jaunt to our own Tea stall to wash down the as-always-yummy-and-delectable mess dinner! The ERP class that evening had also been very heavy as usual, with lots of case analysis, live discussions, impromptu presentations and what not…
With Final Placements round the corner, the discussion obviously was centered on General Knowledge wherein the group shared its ‘knowledge’ on the ‘general’ happenings with 'students' in the Satya Niketan area and about ‘technological advances’ like the fast adoption of Bluetooth in ‘business areas’ around the Delhi malls and places like Priya complex, for whatever reason ;) !! Then, we had a quick update on the Current Affairs front, what with a couple of couples from the Pioneers ‘breaking all norms’ of late, true to the spirit of MBA MS!!
Ping-ping…. Tring-tring… all mobiles went off like the Russian synchronized swimming team!! There was a familiar glance in the faces of the gang.. Premjit went off ‘Oh, saala it has to be Dujari again.. who else in this world can do such a feat, consistently?’ For the uninitiated, it was Anand Dujari, the sole connecting link amongst the MS batch, who religiously does a thankless job of forwarding sms to the whole batch, unmindful of whatever time of the day it is.. Jai, the head boy of ‘Exilir’ read out the message “Dear second years, the FDA and Insurance class scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled.. Thanks for your attention.. - Anand Dujari”. “Yipeeee!!” shrieked the gang, finally a free Sunday.. All the brains started working at a fast pace to fill in the schedule..
“Kahin chalte yaar” started Premjit, yet again.. I added “I’m game, anywhere. Why don’t we go to Jaipur. That’s been on the cards for quite some time”. Poddar added, “Sure, why not? Suckers lets freeze it this time”. Jai summed it up “Bhai log chalo, we’ll leave today by car and we can come back in a day.. pakka”. With a plan made, the gang heaved a sigh of relief.. Great, so we were going places.. literally!! We ordered another round of chai to have one last glance at the last lot of 'locals' who were closing business for the night!!
10:30 pm - Back to the hostel
We went shouting up the stairs.. “Jaipur, anyone… Jaipur, anyone… Trip tonight…” There was a reply from the second floor.. “Agra, Agra.. Trip tonight, anybody coming” that was our Baabe alias Maneesh Pherwani selling out tickets for an Agra trip.. “Now, where the hell did this plan come from” we wondered.. To thrash out the issue, we arranged a GD in our second floor common ‘meeting room’, which also happens to be the room used for staying by Saroop alias Swaroop!! Pherwani put forward the structure of the discussion and Tiwari moderated it, noise was provided by all assembled.. Final outcome: Agra plan finalized for the day, or rather night.. Nine warriors volunteered to enlist for the critical mission!! Our initial gang of five were part of the volunteers.. The MAMA gang minus Aditya came forward.. It was said that Adi had some ‘pressing’ issue to attend to J.. So, the warriors conveyed their best wishes for his mission and moved on ;) Prem K Nath alias Kamnath made the final cut. The team reassembled in the ‘meeting room’ for the mission debriefing by the acting local guide for the day, Saroop (a keen investor in stock markets, and a chemical engineer from Agra University!). The plan was clearly chalked out and the roles assigned – 2 cars, 4 drivers and 5 entertainers (whose job was to basically entertain the driver and tickle him if he falls asleep in the highway!)..
12:20 am - Preps on in the Hostel
With all planned out, the preparations were underway.. Jai burnt a CD from his exhaustive movie-cum-audio library, which is probably bigger than all entertainment studios put together (thanks to the hostel wifi and thanks to Uncle!).. I ran to my room and picked up a ‘Shahrukh Hits’ CD and also tucked in a Tamil masti songs CD!! People started packing their rucksacks with eatables, camera, clothes etc.. All the while Udit alias Uncle was roaming around peeping into all rooms and getting excited about the trip.. You’re right, ofcourse he hadn’t volunteered.. However, the warriors were rightly proud of this ‘ideal married man’.. Here was a man who wouldn’t let small worldly pleasures or any other thing come in between him and his first, second and third love - ‘Futures & Options, Commodity trading and Oil Industry’, in the same order.. (sorry, Divya)!!
2:50 am – The journey begins..
Having bathed (jus’ joking!) and freshened up, the warriors were ready to get into battle-mode.. The tanks, a Swift and Lancer commandeered from Premjit and Tiwari were ready to roll.. “Jai Bajrang Bali… Jai Mata Di…” and the battle begins… I logged into Premjit’s Swift and acted as the entertainer for the first part of the journey.. Premjit turned on his high-end Sony stereo and mischievously smiled.. The stereo bellowed ‘G*** mein Dhanda dei…’ which was the latest popular number.. and it marked the beginning of the journey much to the joy of the passengers.. Alas, none of the warriors knew that it was symbolic of their fate in the much touted trip!!
The party made a lot of halts in Dhabhas all along the way.. To get the Retail Marketing experience, we decided to check into the Reliance Petro outlet and A1 café.. Tiwari, a photography enthusiast (“Oh, thank God, purpose served” heaved everyone!) went on a rampage with his own version of Kournikova’s latest Cannon camera, clicking snaps left and right and backside, capturing ‘all’ activities of the people in the process (for whatever reason, now that’s besides the point)!!
7:50 am - Agra
Battle-ground reached.. The warriors set their foot in Agra and the first halt was at Sikandra, the tomb of Mughal Emperor Akbar in all its majestic glory.. A quick tour and couple of snaps later we decided to move on to ‘more exciting’ destinations, unaware of what kind of exciting things were in store for us!!
9:40 am - Fatehpur Sikri
The next halt was at Fatehpur Sikri, once the capital of Akbar and the place where he had built palaces for his three queens, Hindu, Muslim and Christian, a symbol of religious harmony.. It also had the famed Buland Darwaza.. Once out of the cars, we were swarmed by kids who were much younger than 14 years.. They were doling out undeniably attractive propositions.. “Bade Bhai, (yes, they addressed Pheru!) aapki gaadi ko Rani Mukherji banaa doonga, only fifty rupees” or “Bade Bhai, whole place explain, only twenty rupees, believe me very cheap”.. They were offering a ‘bouquet of services’ from washing cars, to acting as guides, to selling memorabilia.. More than the deals, we were over-awed by the English accent used by the kids and the level of confidence and fluency with which they were using the language.. This reinforced the fact that experience is the best teacher, and they probably knew nuances that even a Marketing MBA cannot teach.. This made me wonder how many future Entrepreneurs were in making in that particular place..
11:55 am – Lunch time
On our way back to Agra, we decided to have our lunch at a wayside Dhaba which turned out to be the first of a string of faulty ‘managerial’ decisions that day.. We breached the first Don’t of eating in a Dhaba, by ordering without checking the prices.. To add to that, people went about ordering all kinds of fancy sabjis .. Poddar couldn’t do without a ‘Gobi Manchurian’, which the Dhaba cooks would have only overheard being discussed by tourists passing by!! We were offered strange looking stuff and had difficulty matching the names to the dishes, and we finally gave up.. The server identified Manchurian as a dish that had strange looking lumps soaked in thick muddy water, which strongly resembled something else!! Nevertheless we were famished, so people finished all the stuff double fast.. But, the real problem was with digesting the things eaten after we came to know about the bill.. To sum it up, WE WERE LOOTED.!!
You don’t get much out of arguing with a Dhabawala in some Godforsaken place, after eating his food, except for some unexpected gift which Pheru was entitled to.. Our stars were all stacked up against us so much that one-odd-tribal-charming-one-odd-tamed-monkey-tied-by-one-odd-rope managed to nearly bite Baabe alias Pheru!! We decided enough was enough and planned to carry on to savour the Taj.. Afterall wasn’t that one of the major attractions of our trip?
01:50 pm – Entry into the Taj
Off we drove towards Taj Mahal, where the climax of the day was carefully planned for us!! We parked the cars outside the park and walked through the park enjoying the Minar’s beauty, as we were approaching the greatest symbol of man’s love on Earth. Due to heightened security, we were forced to part with our mobiles at the locker.. We dutifully handed the 7 mobiles (ok, 2 were left in the car.. in hindsight it would have been safer to leave all 9 in the car!!) to the guard. Even though I was checking out Shah Jahan’s monument for the third time in two years, the magnificence of Taj overwhelmed me.. We clicked as many snaps as we could in front of the masterpiece..
Inside the Taj, we moved on to the basement where people generally leave their shoes.. We were relaxing there and taking snaps.. Kamnath grew tired and made himself a seat on the railing, just like some other people.. Now knowing about our unfavourable Stars position, a shoe-stand-wala rushed in from nowhere and started barking at Kamnath asking him to get up at once or else… Our Andhra Bull was infuriated at the treatment meted out to him in the lap of the Taj, so in Chiranjeevi style he retorted and it grew into a heated argument!! Now, the other guy started pushing Kamnath around.. Man, this was it.. The eight of us jumped into the fray.. “How the hell can you touch our guy?” we bellowed.. Pheru dropped a couple of interesting logics.. “Tu government hai to mai fauji hoon!!” Others pitched in with a couple of conveniently modified sayings.. The commotion was great and we attracted everyone’s attention.. Now, the public was getting some unpaid fun to savour.. and they lapped it up.. However, the couple Shahjahan and Mumtaz must have turned in their grave!! Finally, a policeman jumped into the scene and settled the dispute and the crowd departed with disappointment!! Proud at having set right a wrong attitude, we moved on!!
03:30 pm – Exit from the Taj
We were forced to come out of the Taj in less than a couple of hours as we were left with less time and no one wanted to miss the Agra Fort lest the tour be incomplete.. But apparently the tour was destined to ‘be finished off’ in better ways!! By now, the Taj was flooded with people and a looong queue had formed at the locker counter.. Saroop got onto the line and the rest of us sat on the railings to ‘critically observe’ the foreigners in a bid to appreciate other realistic forms of beauty!!
We were lost in our duties when suddenly Premjit rushed to us breathlessly “Someone has taken my mobile and has ran away from the counter.. We must catch him”.. It was a sudden jolt from the blue.. His latest Sony mobile was a star attraction in the campus and was worth more than 15k.. “Shit, it would be too much too lose it” we thought and immediately the Hero in us popped out instantly.. Charles who had till now largely been a silent ‘observer’ sprung to action fastest and immediately scampered towards the guy.. Poddar, unmindful of his already injured leg (oh, he tragically injured it by pouring hot water.. yes unintentionally!) started second on his way.. When something of this sort has happened, how can I be far behind? I started running after Charles.. Premjit by now recollected his senses and started running as fast as he could after us, shouting “Chor, chor, pakdo, pakdo!!”.. By now everyone, absolutely everyone around Taj started looking at us.. My pride suddenly grew King size and I felt like I was running the last lap of the Olympic Marathon!! I fastened my pace and ran as fast as I could behind Arun “Oye bastard.. Here I come, in search of glory”!!
Now a couple of guys in their 20s, in a bid to help us get the culprit closed in on Arun and caught him, mistaking him to be the thief!! Arun continued in his Hindi “No Bhaiyya, the thief is running ahead in a Brown jacket”.. Enlightened by his ‘fluent’ Hindi, the guys gave up chasing the culprit, leaving all the glory to just the few of us!! By now the ‘culprit’ was within visible distance.. to everyone’s surprise he got into a minibus which was about to start.. Off went Arun, Jai and Poddar into the rear exit of the bus after him.. Now, I thought fast “What if the guy got out off the front exit.. These guys would all lose time catching him.. Wow!! Great idea.. So I decided to surprise the culprit by directly rushing to the front exit.. Obviously flattered by my brilliant plan I rushed to the front… surprise surprise, I couldn’t find one!! Alas, it being a minibus, it had only one rear exit!! “SHUCKS” Disappointment writ large on my face at having my plan go down the drain, I rushed back to the only exit in the bus and jumped in! By now Premjit was at the guy’s collar and using unparliamentary words that involved motherly and sisterly relations!! From the rear end I had a glimpse of the guy’s face.. oh boy, was I shocked??!! The guy was bleeding from his nose to teeth.. There was blood smeared all over his face.. And there was Arun, still punching him from side to side and tirelessly beating him blue.. Bravely, he grabbed his head and banged it on the window, which reminded me of Rajinikant in one of his action movies!! An old man sitting at the rear end of the bus told me “This guy has already been beaten enough, please don’t join them in whacking him”.. Being a person who respects public sentiment, I decided not to intervene!!
By now, the guy was being pulled out of the bus and all our brave warriors were queued up outside the bus beside him.. Being a part of the chase, I proudly took a place beside the culprit.. The trophy was mine too!! A HUGE crowd had gathered all over the place, around us and it felt like we had won India a Gold medal in the Olympics and were about to be raised on to the podium!! The police promptly joined the party and I had a feeling that they had come to felicitate us with the ‘Red & White Bravery Award’ for 2006 for displaying bravery in public life!! We stood fast with the culprit. By now, some members of the crowd started moving towards the culprit to exhibit some of their macho on the caged tiger.. Immediately the policemen realized the seriousness of the situation and started frisking the guy to the nearby police booth.. behind him, we went.. and ofcourse the crowd followed..
Now, suddenly the guy started waving the mobile and claimed that it had pictures of him taken in the Agra Fort. He kept claiming that it was his own. Now, for a moment, I got suspicious. “How the hell is this guy so confident?” I thought to myself “Hell, whatever, we shouldn’t check the mobile before reaching the police booth.. verifying it here might land us in trouble”. Just then one brave soul in our group volunteered, “Ok, show us the picture. Lets see”! There I was waiting with bated breath looking at the mobile, as if waiting for the third umpire’s decision!! “Will he or Won’t he?”
The Hunters get hunted!!
He finally opened the mobile and showed it to the crowd – yes, it indeed had his picture!! “Shucks, We’re screwed” I told myself. Now Premjit whispered to us “I think there has been a small mistake”.. We shuddered and thought “A mistake? A small one? Oh, now the crowd will show us how small it was!” It was then that I noticed that I was wearing the FMS sweat shirt that day!! “Oh my God, of all days why today??!!” In our group, five of us were with a similar sweatshirt. Now, Premjit tried maintaining his aggressive posture by shouting to the guy “Then, why did you run when we chased you?” But clearly his voice was getting drowned and it was obvious that we won’t be able to hold the fort any longer.. Our fort walls had been breached and we were just waiting for the enemy troops to rush in for the kill! Slowly the ‘warriors’ tried slipping away from the scene one by one!!
But sadly enough, we had attracted too much of unnecessary attention, much to our detriment.. Now, we were firmly into this quicksand and it was slowly eating us away!! By now, Saroop was back from the locker and he started distributing the mobiles unaware of the quagmire we were into.. I was told that he had Premjit’s mobile too!! This confirmed things and made me understand what had happened then.. Fortunately, we all maintained that the mobile was still lost..
Just then, some guy cried out of public interest “Inko pakdo, aur inko maro”.. ZAP.. out of nowhere a whole army of people charged upon us!! Now, more people started taking initiative and they started identifying the ‘warriors’ involved.. One guy from behind me shouted “yeh bhi tha, isko bhi maro” and pushed me in.. Quickly enough, Saroop who was neither a part of the chase nor the mugging drama was identified and pushed in too, thanks to his sweatshirt! I consciously steered away from the crowd and moved onto the pavement.. Fortunately I wasn’t pushed in again.. By now, people were focusing on Maneesh, Saroop, Poddar, Jai and Arun. Of these people, Arun who was the prime target safely stood behind the policeman and seeked protection. Maneesh was frantically wrestling with a couple of guys in the crowd.. Then, I turned to look at Jai.. One very heavy blow landed on him from behind.. Someone who had obviously gotten enough from his wife was showing all his ‘bravery’ on our ‘Exilir’ head.. Jai, for a moment thought that one of his ears had ceased functioning!! Out of great concern he did “Ear testing 1,2,3 on the spot!!” Just then, another brave hen-pecked soul gave him another extra-strong blow.. In the impact, he lost balance inspite of all his rock-climbing-and-balancing-experience (This made it amply clear that he had spent more time ogling at foreigners in the mountaineering institute ;) !!) and his new glasses slipped... he just managed to grab it..
Now, it was Poddar’s turn.. One guy was charging at him from behind and there were about ten to twenty kids (yes, just like the same creative, fluent, young salesmen discussed earlier!).. Everyone has a first time, and these kids identified this was the right time to start kicking a person in their life, so they promptly joined in! They wasted no time in mercilessly kicking his posterior.. With great difficulty, they were just tall enough to reach his butts, so they landed a couple of shots there.. Poor Poddar turned back and got the shock of his life seeing him getting kicked by kids! Spontaneously, sexually offensive unparliamentary words found their way out!! But did it matter??! Now, he was getting too worried about how he would go down in history books for getting kicked by kids.. Just as if to pacify him, a policeman walked in and whacked him hard on the head with a lathi!! His moment of glory had arrived and now his soul would rest in peace!!
By now, the policemen had realized that it was for them to intervene and save the ‘brave warriors’ who were at the public’s mercy!! So, they started waving their lathis around, freely hitting anything it came in contact with.. Unfortunately, Saroop was being pushed around and he got hit by the lathi near his eye, which got swollen instantaneously.. He got the shock of his life by getting beaten for no fault of his! This made him crazy and he started bombarding the policemen and all those around him in hi-class Oxford-bred English, in his own flamboyant roundabout style!! We really couldn’t make out what he was upto!! The policemen tried controlling the mob and immediately decided to get us out of the place.. For once, I realized how important the Police force was in a democracy!!
They summoned a van and got the ‘supposed culprit’ and the ‘real culprits’ in!! With 5 of our guys in the police van, it was jam packed and it started moving out of the scene.. Hell, there I was still standing besides the mob on the platform and I got scared to death! I was all alone there, still in my sweatshirt.. (I decided it would be a bad idea to remove it in front of everyone lest they see and beat me for trying to hide!).. I tried to move towards the van but without success.. With a heavy heart I saw the van going away from the scene!! For the first time in my life I wished that the police pick me up too and take me to the police station!! But it was too late.. There I was, a sheep abandoned in front of a pack of hungry wolves.. For the first time in my life, I felt unsafe in an open public space!!
Quickly I decided to get the hell out of the place as fast as I could.. I didn’t know where the police station was and did not have the heart to ask anyone around.. So, I started walking in the direction in which the van had gone.. I had gone a few feet when I heard some commotion, and fear engulfed me!! “Oh shit, there they are coming after me!!” I turned back but didn’t see anyone!! So I continued on my way.. This kept happening again and again and after some time I realized I was getting too paranoid and consciously decided not to turn back lest I give some bugger in the public a signal!! After I had gone a few yards, there was noise again.. now it was approaching in my direction!! I had studied Doppler’s effect and no, this was not a hallucination!! I resigned to my fate and lay there waiting for them to come and take me!! Then reluctantly I turned back.. There, I saw Premjit being paraded by a gang of teenaged guys and about 50 kids!! Yes, there were about 50 kids swarming all over him..!! This immediately brought to my mind a scene from the movie ‘Black Hawk Down’ wherein an American pilot of one of the downed Choppers is paraded in the streets of Somalia with a horde of Somali locals and children swarming all over him!! Premjit’s face was white as snow, except for some light smears of the ‘culprit’s’ blood, which he had picked up while trying to hack the guy to death for committing the heinous crime of ‘buying a similar high-end mobile’!!
Now, Premjit also had his Sony Handycam around his neck.. I realized that the crowd was leading him in my direction.. Then, I made a quick decision to go and join him, come what may.. coz he was all alone and I had a feeling he could be threatened and robbed.. I felt that walking away from the scene would be a cowardly decision,.. So, I walked up towards him and much to the surprise of the crowd I joined him.. Then I learnt that the people were actually helping him go to the police station ‘safely’.. I heaved a sigh of relief.. The crowd following us slowly subsided as we reached the police station..
In front of the police station it was a happy reunion for the ‘warriors’.. Now I saw the ‘culprit’ again.. he had his face wiped clean and apparently he just had a broken nose.. To avenge his anger he punched Arun once in the police station and things were even now.. (ok, atleast theoretically!!) The policemen told us that it was an unfortunate coincidence and a clear misunderstanding, however they emphasized that we should have refrained from hitting the ‘supposed culprit’!!
4:50 pm – The drama ends
But now we were reluctant to walk back to the cars, lest we be lynched by the mob!! With great difficulty we pleaded the Police Constable to escort us back to the car.. He agreed and there we were, the six of us being shielded by a lathi-wielding constable till we reached our cars!! Tiwari and Premnath were the only two people in our gang who had moved out of this confusion early on.. they joined us at the car park and we left the place as soon as we could.. Me moved to another part of Agra, changed or atleast covered our sweat shirts and went in search of first aid for Saroop.. After getting him treated, the tempers cooled a bit and we checked into a bakery and ate to our hearts content.. We had too much coming at us in too short a time!! To commemorate our memorable journey, some guys bought the Agra-famous Pethas to carry back! By now, we started missing the safe environs of the South Campus.. So, we packed our bags and started on our journey back.. Fortunately, I don’t have anything to say about the return journey!! With Tiwari and Pheru firmly behind the wheel, we kept going.. When I was woken up, there we were in front of our own ‘China Bowl’! It was a very nice feeling!! We grabbed a quick dinner and rushed back to the hostel to catchup with some much needed sleep...
Inspite of all the goof ups and the mob-effect, I am sure this tour would find a place right up there in our memory!! Long live the Taj!! And long live our 'pleasant' memories!!
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